A young boy was once asked by a man, ‘Why are you eating that fish?’
He replied, ‘Because I love fish.’
“Oh so you love the fish that’s why you took it out of the water, killed it and boiled it.”
“Don’t tell me you love the fish. You love yourself and because the fish tastes good to you, therefore, you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.”
So much of the love that we see around is the fish love. And so young couple falls in love, young man and young woman fall in love. What does that mean? That means he saw in this woman someone who he felt could provide him all of his physical and emotional needs and she felt in this man somebody she feels that she can write that was love, but each one is looking out for their own needs. It’s not the love for the other. The other person becomes a vehicle for my gratification. Too much of what is called love is fish love. An external love is not on what I am going to get but what I’m going to give. We had in ethicist rabbi Dessler who said, “The people make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love, and the answer is, the real answer is, you love those to whom you give.”
His point is, if I give something to you, I have invested myself in you. Since self-love is a given, everybody loves themselves, now that part of me has become in you, there’s part of me in you that I love.
True love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving.
-an excerpt from the talks of Abraham Twersky. (listen here)
Gaurav S Kaintura
11 May 2020