a thing about love

In the joy of others lies our own


A young boy was once asked by a man, ‘Why are you eating that fish?’

He replied, ‘Because I love fish.’

“Oh so you love the fish that’s why you took it out of the water, killed it and boiled it.”

“Don’t tell me you love the fish. You love yourself and because the fish tastes good to you, therefore, you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.”

So much of the love that we see around is the fish love. And so young couple falls in love, young man and young woman fall in love. What does that mean? That means he saw in this woman someone who he felt could provide him all of his physical and emotional needs and she felt in this man somebody she feels that she can write that was love, but each one is looking out for their own needs. It’s not the love for the other. The other person becomes a vehicle for my gratification. Too much of what is called love is fish love. An external love is not on what I am going to get but what I’m going to give. We had in ethicist rabbi Dessler who said, “The people make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love, and the answer is, the real answer is, you love those to whom you give.”

His point is, if I give something to you, I have invested myself in you. Since self-love is a given, everybody loves themselves, now that part of me has become in you, there’s part of me in you that I love.

True love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving.

-an excerpt from the talks of Abraham Twersky(listen here)

Jai Swaminarayan

Gaurav S Kaintura

11 May 2020

2 thoughts on “a thing about love

  1. What is the meaning of true love in your sense?
    I think true love is nowhere as it is been depicted in the pieces of art like Novels or Movies from ages. I think love as a kind of transaction. A transaction of thoughts, beliefs and emotional insecurities between two individuals is the thing which we see as love. This can also be initiated by some need we have and which can be fulfilled by someone, this results in the Attraction(the first step). The need could be anything from Mental to Physical, from Social to Political.
    And then comes the second part, which we call as Affection, that comes with the repetition. The repetition of deeds with the significant other, makes us believe that we are meant for each other, and we can’t live without the other person.
    I think all these things happen because our mind is do altered due to the Fiction that it believes the the TRUE LOVE does exists. But being practical I think that’s just a delusional thought. We can live on our own. We can find someone else too. Even If we were in monogamy relationship with someone who we loved so passionately, after they are gone, we can fall in love again. Love can happen twice!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it’s very thoughtful question the way you have asked and i agree the way our literary fiction and contemporary cinema has popularized the glamour of modern love, it looks all glitters and gold; true love in a sense we can take it as the highest level of love, like there are certain levels, the way you love your friend and the way you love your partner is not the same; the way you love your partner and the way you love your mom, it is again not the same, the way you love you siblings and the way you love your cousins is again differs; though I am not saying that you lack love for them, it’s just different; so similarly there are different levels of love as well in the form of surrenderance and understanding. Lord Buddha talked about four elements of love – maitri (loving-kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (joy) and upeksha (equanimity). So, it is also true that it is a form of transaction as you said above but this form of transaction is different from the business kind where one only sees one’s profit; in love sometimes we have to bear loss just for the happiness of others, and that’s how the virtue of sacrifice comes inherent with it. The kind of love that is being talked in the above description what is called the fish love is the immature kind of love that involves just gratification of senses and mind through each other but we also know that love is not about just looking at each other but it is about looking together in the same direction. It is more about us and less about I and You.
      In my opinion, true love is something which makes us better in all forms and respects. Something which transcends all the material conceptions that acts as a barrier to that love. Once I wrote something I agree to it that even today, ‘if it is love it will grow if not it will destroy itself.’ True love is something like that it is ever fresh and growing while other attachments and infatuation just wear-off with time.


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